4:30 a.m. wake up call. Time to complete my first goal of 2019. Time to run a 10K.

What the hell did I get myself into?

I looked so out of place as runners around me were warming up. I knew for a fact I did not train enough. My body was not ready.

But soon enough, the gun fired and fireworks soared as Kaela and I ran through the start.

For those of you who know me at all, I hate running. It was always an impossible for me.

I quit field hockey back in high school because I hated all the running and training. You could find me wheezing on the side of the road within seconds of starting a run.

I had no idea how people found running therapeutic. I thought those people were obviously lying about their love for the sport.

But once again I was proven wrong. I learned the positivity to running. I turned what I once saw in a negative light into a new challenge.

You’re going to run a 10K in Bangkok Liz!

As I first started my training, I was bored out of my mind running circles around the school’s track. Mentally bored and physically exhausted.

What the hell do people think as they run for hours at a time?

Self encouragement. Positivity.

That’s what they think. That’s what I learned.

Running has allowed me to rewire positive thinking back into my life. Instead of thinking I can’t, I’m not good enough/strong enough, or I’m too weak, my mind told me I can.

It was my mind along with help from Kaela. Her encouragement and company on long runs helped me successfully finish my impossible.

With running or any workout and challenge for me, there is a hump to get over. I so much would rather just quit right then. Right when I hit that wall. It is just the easy way out.

Does that sound familiar at all? Have I explained that’s how my suicidal mind functions?

Just kill yourself now. Quit now. No need to go on. There is nothing for you.

It is so SO hard to break those thoughts. Especially while in the height of a panic attack.

But like both my workouts and panic attacks, you get through that rough patch. And you keep going. You keep going stronger than when you started.

I learned how to positively talk my way around those humps while running.

Come on Liz, you’ve done this before! Only a few more minutes. You will feel so accomplished. Just keep going!

I took this new skill with me as I set off for the longest run I have ever ran in my life.

I kept my eyes forward. I was focused. But I immediately was regretting it.

Soon into the race I read on the back of a woman’s shirt “Start Your Impossible.”

Liz you are currently in your impossible. You already started. Just finish it!

And what do you know, I finished my impossible!

Because I relate all my blog posts back to my mental health, I want those who fight with their own mental struggles to know that you too are already starting your impossible.

I used to believe it was impossible for me to continue to live. I believed it was impossible for me to get help. It was impossible for me to be happy.

But I was already starting that impossible because I was still breathing.

You are here. You are living. That is the start of your impossible.

There is a way to the finish line. There is always a way.

No need to sprint, no need to race against anyone else. This is all you and you will finish!

As always, keep fighting ❤