The past couple weekends have been incredible and I’m sorry for not writing for a while!

Each weekend was again filled with friends, sites, beaches and minor waterfall accidents lol oops!

I love meeting up with friends from orientation and hearing about their towns and students and experiences.

But honestly, it can be hard for me to hear about other experiences.

I have always struggled with comparing myself to my family and friends.

That’s only part of the reason I was so depressed the past few months. I grew unhappy with how I looked compared to others.

I was comparing myself to friends going to grad school or moving to new cities to start their jobs. I was comparing how I looked to everyone I followed on social media.

I am not enough. I was never enough. And I will never be enough. 

These thoughts circled constantly in my mind as I was just back at home living under my parents roof with no luck in the job search.

Fast forward to my time in Thailand. There has been no exception to me and my comparisons while living here.

I was jealous of my friends from orientation that live in smaller towns. They’re able to rent motor bikes and go as they please.

It would be too difficult in my town with all the traffic we have.

(I luckily learned how to drive a motorbike my weekend in Saraburi!! Thank you Skylar!)

Then I heard how their students talk to them and how curious they are about the states.

A sixth grade class, who speaks incredible English, asked my friend why does Trump want to build the wall? How is he going to get Mexico to pay for it?

These are questions I would never have known to ask when I was that age.

I was jealous she gets to have these kinds of conversations with her students.

As I hear about other stories with older students, I think of how unfair it is that my students are only learning basic vocabulary words. I feel like I’m making no impact.

I quickly was resorting to my unhealthy habit of comparing.

This sucks. I hate my school. I hate my placement. This is not what I wanted. 

But then I saw the faces of some friends when they found out the perks of my placement.

My school has provided us with a curriculum, worksheets, materials and even free lunches.

I was comparing myself to others without even looking what I had right in front of me.

I don’t hate my students at all. That was just a lie my mind was telling me because I thought I wanted older students.

But to my surprise, I fell in love with my kids. I was even sad on Friday when I wasn’t going to see them for a whole two days!!

It is easier said than done to not compare your situation to someone else’s.

Trust me, I know.

But as I’m learning on my journey, nothing is as it seems from the outside.

There are pros and cons to every single situation.

Yes, you’re probably thinking how could I be complaining as I’m living in this beautiful and welcoming country.

Well, just as anyone who is starting a job or living in a new city, there are difficulties.

I’m still struggling daily with making adjustments or getting around the language barrier. I’m still comparing myself because I think I should be working in the states.

But no matter what chapter you are in your book, life is going to be hard.

Plain and simple. It will suck at times.

But I’m slowing figuring out I just need to focus on myself. Focus on my own situations.

I’m learning to ride my own wave. No one else’s. And from how I’ve been doing recently, I’d say I’m kicking ass at conquering it.

So if you needed a piece of advice, here it is:

Breathe and take one step at a time.

As always, stay strong and keep going.

❤ Lizzy